The last 16 months have been a devastating time for my family. I am so very sad to share that my husband and I are ending our 13 year marriage, 19 year relationship. Our story began when we were teenagers; we literally grew up together. Our bond brought me immense love and joy, shaped the person that I am today, and gave me three amazing and beautiful children.
Unlike the public heartbreak of a family member’s death, this painful situation has been kept mostly private in which only a close circle of friends could provide support. I have gained a greater compassion and understanding for adults and children dealing with private trauma. It has been a difficult time, to say the least; I have muddled through life trying to operate normally while personally suffering from great anguish that I didn’t feel comfortable to share with others.
I’ve been on a roller coaster of hope and despair over the last year experiencing pain that I did not know existed, and I have made my way through many difficult stages of grief. I’ve lost my best friend and companion. I’ve lost a person that has been by my side through every major life event (e.g., high school, college, graduations, marriage, apartments, debt, careers, multiple moves, houses, car wrecks, loss of pregnancies, surgeries, three child births, child illnesses, and on and on). I haven’t made any big decisions for over half my life without consulting or thinking of him. I have lost my partner in life and in raising our three children, but I have to interact with him often regarding our kids. I have found my entire world completely upside down and truly unsure where I even fit into it at times. I pray that my close friends and family that have been by my side know how much they have helped me. I would not be a sane individual at this point if not for them (and my therapist!). They have truly been angels from God for me.
I never thought I would utter the words: I am a 36 year old, single, stay at home mom to three young children!! I always envisioned raising our children together with my husband, going on trips and adventures, experiencing life and growing old with him. My grandparents never divorced and my parents are still married. Divorce is not an option for me. But, I have seen firsthand that this life will provide twists and turns that we never saw coming. I’m working steadily on trusting, accepting, and taking joy in life’s simplest pleasures as well as focusing on hope and embracing a wonderful, new life ahead. It has been a difficult journey, but I have eased into this new world after a year separation. Although I have acquired some deep, painful scars as a result of this experience, I have also grown and am stronger than I ever realized before. I hope and pray that the most difficult days are behind the kids and me.
I am hopeful to work as a parenting team as we begin the very difficult task of raising three young children between two homes. I ask for prayers of peace and happiness for my babies. After my husband moved out, the kids had countless nights crying and grieving the loss of their father not being here. Thankfully, we haven’t had a night like that in a while, and they have become accustomed to our new schedule. They, too, have eased into this new life through the separation, but like me, they hoped it wouldn’t end this way. If you know me well, you know that my family means everything to me. I loved my husband, and I fought for our marriage every day for the last 16 months. Unfortunately, to no avail, but I can look back upon this time without regrets. The kids love their daddy so very much, and he loves them deeply too. I am committed to having a great relationship with him and to only speak kindly of him to our children as I know that is what is best for them and the healthy approach. I hope all my friends and family will do the same. At this point, the kids and I will continue to live in our home, and they will continue to go to the same schools. We have established a co-parenting plan in which they see their daddy often and spend time with him in his nearby apartment.
You may be wondering why I am sharing all of this. To be honest, I don’t have a clear answer. It just feels right to me. For more than a year, I have quietly tormented while my life was in limbo. I now feel free to be open about where I stand. The news of our divorce may be a surprise to many. Hopefully, I have answered many of your questions here, and now my family and friends may understand why I have been out of touch for the last 16 months.
I waited to share this news until the paperwork was filed, and we discussed it with the kids. So, today, on Valentine’s Day, I begin a new life. I don’t have my beloved husband by my side, but I am filled with love from my kids, family, and friends. Love never fails.
I appreciate your support as I begin this new chapter. It is most definitely not what I thought my life would look like, but I am learning to accept it is not for me to plan. As I near the end of my travels on this extraordinarily sad road, I am beginning to see that there are endless possibilities on the new roads that lie ahead. I’m not yet sure which road I will take, and I am definitely apprehensive as I begin the journey. Change is always scary, but I am so excited to see what the future holds for the kids and me. I know it will be a wonderful journey!
Mandy you are so a strong person you can survive when your aunt and I divorced I thought this was the end of life when in actuality it really opened a life I have always dreamed of and it would not have worked out if we stayed together. Just keep your chin up and keep looking to the future it can only get better
Your journey, undoubtedly has been & will be a challenge.
I am so sorry that you have had to deal, and HAVE to deal, with any of this undue sadness after being such an amazing friend, partner, companion, advisor and wife to a person who unfortunately made the poor choice to not fully returning the same to you.
Your journey, undoubtedly has been & will be a challenge.
I am so thankful to know you are so strong to emotionally power through the hardest and (Dear God, please) the worst roadblock that has been put in front of your otherwise very well planned path.
You journey, undoubtedly has been and will be a challenge.
I applaud you for your bravery for sharing your most difficult secrets of pain, confusion and fear. Your release of these words – foreign to you, until now – will hopefully … will eventually, help bring you comfort.
Your journey, undoubtedly has been and will be a challenge.
I could not be more proud of you, in how you have handled this hardship, handled yourself, your home and your children. You are an inspiration to other wives and mothers, young and old, who have gone through or who are going through this mourning of a loved one.
Your journey, undoubtedly has been and will be a challenge.
I look forward to reading more of your writings. I know the “map” ahead is a bit blank… unchartered … unwritten.
Therefore, every exploration will most certainly have wonderful stories (happy & sad), photos and new paths in which we can all learn and personally grow.
I look forward to learning more of your Wonderful NEW Journey!!!
Oops. Excuse my typos.
I’m so sorry Mandy! I will keep your family in my prayers. If you ever need anything, please dont hesitate to reach out.
With Much Love,
Sara
Hello my sweet neighbor , oh I have missed you ! Life is not the same here on Signal without those Wright girls!
I am honored that you told the news of your divorce, for I know firsthand that this will probably be the hardest thing you go through and there’s nothing against having a huge support group and I mean huge! I’ve been divorced now 7 years and I can offer a lot of advice, but the one thing I remember people telling me was “time does heal” and unfortunately when they said, it I didn’t believe them ; how could time heal when I’ve lost my everything, my world or so I thought! I’m here to tell you my buddy that time does heal.. it does really in the long run get easier and with the help of many and a great wisdom to really do the best you can to raise those kids (under the circumstances of a split home ) all of this will be a thing in the past and you can and will make it through it ! I send you many hugs from Tennessee and many prayers and I know everything’s gonna be all right ! Hang in there little sis !
Mandy,
Beautifully written excerpt on your personal struggles and tremendous strength! You are an amazing mom and a beautiful person. As this road twists and turns, you will continue to glide through with grace and poise. I’m so proud to call you my friend.
Love, Angie